Standing waiting for an open squat rack, I pulled out my AirPod case, flipped it open, and realized that I had left my AirPods somewhere in my house. I cursed. Another workout where I would have to listen to extreme grunting, plates clattering against the floor, and the pneumatic press of air entering and leaving the lungs of those exercising around me. I looked around at the culprits-to-be. It was a busy day. Most of the machines were taken after all, and I stood there waiting, wondering if this was going to be a bad workout. But once I got started, once I started moving my body, the noises fell into the background. And I realized this might be a good thing.

I've been reading a book called Stolen Focus and it's gotten me thinking about the things that distract us, take us away from the present, or inhibit our ability to focus. Mostly, I feel particularly dystopian (that's a valid feeling these days, right?) about this whole situation, and the more I read this book the more I feel like things are particularly bad. Most notably is the fact that with our waning ability to focus also may come our waning ability to participate in making change, especially against problematic sociopolitical issues. I don't mean to distill this down to something so simple as we are all on Soma as per Brave New World, and none of us give a shit about what's happening around us. What I do really resonate with is the idea that the less we are able to focus, the less we're able to immerse ourselves in a problem and try to make it better.

What does this have to do with leaving my music at home while at the gym? Well, it just made me think that this is yet another thing I do to distract myself from reality. It may seem counterintuitive, because music does indeed allow me to enter a state of focus. But more often than not these days, I'm listening to music that pacifies me and drowns out noise. What music is this? Usually it's ambient music, no singing, no beat. Of course, I don't listen to this at the gym, but what I'm getting at here is that I'm wondering how much of my music listening is just me trying to drown out the world. And what happens when we drown out the world?

And what was happening around me, in the gym, this morning? I was noticing someone nearby squatting three plates, which was pretty impressive. I saw three people laughing and chatting (maybe flirting?). And I noticed people working hard to push themselves. I heard the sounds of strain, effort, difficulty and intent.

In my day to day, I sometimes struggle with misophonia tendencies — which is that certain sounds bother me, make it difficult for me to focus or can simply be grating and difficult. For a long time, I've been using music to pacify that as well. Like with the gym this morning, I'm wondering if the more I try to drown out the world, the more I am dependent on these aids to help me stay comfortable. This is not so different from struggling to maintain focus, I feel.

I suspect I'll be going places more without two plugs in my ears and sound blasting into them.